Customer: I can't get online.
Me: Ok, what does it say in the address bar?
Customer: Address bar? What's that?
Me: It's the big long white bar at the top where you type in the address you want to go to.
Customer: Oh! Ok. It's blank.
Me: Ok, go ahead and type in google.com
(in background): *click* *clack* *clickity* *clack*
Me: Uh...excuse me, but are you on a typewriter???
Customer: Uh, yeah...what's wrong with that?
Me: How did you expect to get online??
Customer: I tied the ethernet cord from the modem to it...
Me: You TIED it??
Customer: Yeah
Me: Oh God...ok, unfortunately, there's nothing I can help you with.
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